Pot Calling the Kettle Black

picture courtesy of newsday.com

In 2005 Jose Canseco’s book, Juiced, was a bestseller.  The book exploited several players in the MLB for using steroids throughout their careers.  Canseco was back in the limelight doing book tours, making appearances on talk shows, etc., explaining his own steroid use and what he knew in terms of steroid use among other players he played with.  He apologized for his steroid use and attempted to come out smelling like a rose by stepping up to the plate and taking one for the team, so to speak.  Well, three years later Canseco is still making the news and this time it was because of illegal drugs again.  Last week he was apprehended after attempting “to smuggle Spanish-labeled vials of HCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin) through a border patrol checkpoint in San Diego.” (TMZ)  What is HCG you might ask?  HCG is a drug that helps with the shrinkage effects in males after long-term steroid use.  Talk about adding insult to injury.  Not only did Canseco get charged with a misdemeanor for transport of misbranded medication, he admitted to having a problem most guys never want to talk about.  Canseco’s publicist is probably shaking their head in disgust and disbelief.  But if I was his publicist I would try to spin this to look as if this is an ongoing problem he has to deal with because of his past actions.  I would downplay the actual “smuggling” incident but advise Canseco to deliver the message of, “this is another effect steroids can take on your body.”  Turn the situation into a positive message.  Hell, write a new book on the side-affects of steroid use.  But in the end, stop taking illegal substances, no matter what they are, because it’s ultimately just a major headache for you to have to deal with.

See you when I see you,

Wayne

Former Champagne-Sipping Pop Star, Now Drinking Beer and Belching Out Country Music

On top of releasing her debut Country album, Jessica Simpson had to go above and beyond to promote her newfound “country” image.  Simpson is now endorsing a Texas-brewed beer.  Yes, that’s right, she is now the official spokeswoman for Stampede Light Plus, which is brewed by Dallas Stampede Brewing Co.  She will appear in ads and promotions, and is also now a 15 percent stakeholder of the brewer.  Stampede Light Plus is different than your traditional light beer.  The beer has additives that gear the product toward health-conscious consumers.  The Gossip Fix states, “Stampede Light bills itself as a beer for active people.  Good thing it is not for smart people or Jessica would have missed out on this one.”  You’re not lying.  Jessica, come on.  If your going to go country, which was a terrible idea, at least endorse a beer somebody has heard of.  As your publicist, I would have pitched you Shiner Bock or Ziegenbock.  These products are truly beers that “only Texans get.”  If Jessica really wanted to improve her already crappy country image, she should have chose a beer that Country fans enjoy and actually drink.  It seems as if she’s going about this whole process all wrong.  First, she releases an album in a genre she can’t even relate to, and now she obviously endorses the wrong beer to further her advancement in her fantasy career.  Again, as her publicist I would encourage her to stick to what she knows…starting with genres of music.  Secondly, don’t make a desperate attempt to improve your image.  Everybody can see right through that.  You can’t go from ditzy, glamorous, and materialistic to drinkin’ beer and singing country music.  Jessica Simpson is trying to force herself into a stereotype that she can’t even comprehend.  In the words of Country music legend Alan Jackson, “She’s gone country, look at them boots, she’s gone coun”…wait, no she hasn’t. 

See you when I see you,

Wayne